Hitting the Reset Button

On Friday, I gave myself homework to do.  So I've spent the weekend re-organizing and resetting my recovery tools. 

I removed the information not necessary in my special Pink binder, added lots of paper for both my food journal and other misc writing tasks.  On Saturday, I went back to what works for me and that is writing down my eating.  Even though my eating patterns may not be what they were in program, when I see it on paper, it helps both me and my dietician identify missteps or things I could be doing differently.  It does one other major thing for me:  it holds me ACCOUNTABLE.  Something that I constantly identify as a missing component when things go down the wrong path.  

Additionally, up to this point, I've be renting my books from the library reading them and buying the ones that are helpful.  Well, this means they are only helpful at home and I can't carry them all with me.  This weekend, I made the choice to download the Nook app and the very first book I downloaded was "Life without Ed".  Now when I'm struggling.  I can pull it up on my phone, read a few pages that are good references and calm myself back down.   This helps to quiet ED and Little Miss Perfect down a little. 

Additionally, I took the time to re-read the first few chapters and the one that talks about the other people in room, gave me a few other voices to listen for that can be dangerous.  One is the Timekeeper and the other  was the Should Have Monster.  I can distinctly say that all of these also play a part in my life.  The Should Have Monster takes over when Miss Perfect rings the bell on what I didn't do correctly.  This personality traits are fine when you can take their feedback and use it constructively.  However, I've found, they just make me want to eat away my mistakes. 

My task list for this week is:

• Journal my food (good or bad) 
• Start back up my exercise program (nothing huge, maybe 30 mins 3X this week) 
• Re-write my What I wish you knew poem.  If you are not familiar with this poem.  Google it, for the ED people that read(It will ring far more true then you wish)  For support individuals, only read it if you are strong enough to want to know the struggle.  I cry every time I read, but I challenge you to take it and write your own very.  The benefits far outweigh the pain you experience while writing. 

Why do I share my task list with everyone.   It holds me accountable and makes me responsible.  My quote today is going to focus on just that, it speaks to the responsibility we project on ourselves as perfectionist and it is so misplaced

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.” George Burns